By Rebecca Marina

Part 1–Dianna

I just finished with my first Intimacy related issues client and am sooo excited (not half as much as she). So, it went like this…

Rebecca : When you think of being with your husband right now, what are your first thoughts about that?

Dianna : (not her real name) I know I ought to want to but I just don’t.

Rebecca : Would you say you only want to out of a sense of duty?

Dianna : Yes, I want to make my husband happy but I have got so much other stuff to think about.

Rebecca : Would you like to do some EFT around this? Maybe even allow yourself to get in the mood?

Dianna : Oh yes!

Rebecca : So, on a scale of 1 to 10 about how bad do you want to avoid sex right now?

Dianna : About a 9- I really don’t care if I ever do it again.

Rebecca- OK here we go, folllow after me…

Even tho I don’t care if I ever have sex again…

Even tho I only do it to keep my husband happy…

Even tho I feel dead inside…

Here Dianna stated that she was now down to about a 5. Then we did some positive asking and allowing-

Even tho I don’t feel like it- I ask and allow my sex hormones to flow. (A full round of that)

Even tho I don’t feel like it, I ask blood and oxygen to flow to my vagina and clitoris.

I ask my skin to get ready for love.

I ask my lips to be full and soft and ready to kiss.

I ask my fingertips to be ready to caress.

I ask my body to be ready for love.

I ask my vagina to be wet and hot and ready.

Dianna said she was down to zero on not feeling like it and that she was tingling all over and did indeed feel ready. She was so very amazed at the speed in which this happened.

Keep in mind that Dianna and I have worked together on different issues in the past and she does not have any traumatic abuse issues. She is a lady in her 50′s who has had a complete hysterectomy and subsequent hormonal imbalances.

I finished the session with a meditation I created to awaken and tantalize all the five senses. She was very happy and ready to invite her husband home for lunch!

Rebecca Marina

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Part 2–Isabelle

Dear Gary,

I have used EFT to address so many of my client’s problems but nothing has thrilled me more than to be able to help women with sexual intimacy problems using EFT. The results my clients are having are truly heartwarming. This is Isabelle’ s (not her real name) experience and she is thrilled to let me share her story in the hopes that EFT will help other women who may be having sexual difficulties.

It is important to note that one session of EFT will not cure all your sexual problems; however, when applied on a consistent basis wonderful improvements can occur. Try EFT on everything.

Rebecca: So Isabelle, if you tune in to how you feel about sex right now, what kind of words would you use?

Isabelle: Well, my sex life is non-existent, it’s not in my thoughts or actions. I was celibate for a long time because of some problems my husband was having and now he wants to have sex again and I do not. I realize too that it is hard for me to allow myself any pleasure about anything in life. The only reason I want to improve my sex drive is because I am afraid my husband will get it somewhere else if I don’t provide it.

Rebecca: Have you ever had a good sex life or allowed yourself to have pleasure?

Isabelle: Yes, I used to enjoy sex very much. I do miss it.

Rebecca: I am glad you are saying you miss it because it is better to try to improve something in your life for you and not just for someone else. What is your strongest feeling about sex right now?

Isabelle: I feel CONSTRICTED about sex and other things as well. I even get images of being physically constricted such as wearing a tight corset or having my feet bound like the ancient Chinese. I feel like I sabotage any attempts I make to have pleasure in my life. I have no problems doing nice things for other people but when it comes to me, I just can’t do it.

Rebecca: Well, let’s do some EFT around all these feelings you are describing.

Isabelle said her intensity rating on the feeling of CONSTRICTION was a 10+. Here are some of the setups we used.

Even though I have this constriction in my sex life, I love and accept myself.

Even though I feel constricted all over,

Even though I have a hard time opening to pleasure,

Even though I can’t allow myself to open to pleasure.

We stopped and took another rating and we were still at a constriction level of 8. I asked Isabelle how she would prefer to feel and she said ‘free and flowing’ like a belly dancer. Isabelle had actually been a belly dancer earlier in her life and so this was a very concrete reference point for her.

We introduced the Choices (Dr Carrington) method.

Even though I still feel very constricted, I choose to allow myself to be free and flowing like a belly dancer.

Even though I may have been constricted in the past, I choose to be free and flowing and sensual like a belly dancer.

Even though I am constricted now, I choose to remember how it feels to be sensual.

Isabelle was now down to a 6. I explained that we would leave the constriction issue for a bit and go in another direction. Isabelle is 49 years old and has been having many hormonal fluctuations. We did EFT for the sexual hormones.

Even though my sex hormones have stopped working, I love and accept myself.

I am asking and allowing my sex hormones to rev it up,

I am asking my sex hormones to flow like honey,

I am asking my sex hormones to be balanced,

I am asking for just a little testosterone to be balanced

I release fear of my sex hormones flowing,

I release fear that I will become wildly sexual and out of control.

We then checked and Isabelle was all the way down to a CONSTRICTED feeling of 2.

We continued our session on different issues that came up like fear her husband would peak too quickly and leave her high and dry. We did more EFT about it being OK to take responsibility for her own orgasm.

It was a very satisfying session and we have more scheduled. Yes, you can do a whole lot in one session but a lifetime of sexual difficulties coupled with many relationship issues takes time and consistent EFT application.

I talked with Isabelle a few days later and she reported that sex was very much on her mind and that she had lots of tingling, awakened sensations going on. We will address more issues in our next session. She said she realized that part of what is holding her back is that she resents her husband for not helping her out with this problem. This should be a very rewarding session for her.

I urge all of you to try EFT on the sexual problems in your life. EFT has turned my whole personal experience around and I am so happy to share my results with others.

Till the next article, Rebecca Marina EFT-CC

http://www.emofree.com/articles/bedroom-romance.htm

By Nancy A. Morris, EFT-ADV

Ten people participated in a one-month long study group on “Libido” and none of the participants knew what EFT was when they signed up.  Three men (ages 58, 62 and 69) and 7 women (ages 52, 54, 56, 56, 56, 60 and 64) participated.  Each person presented themselves as wanting to “improve their libido” but, in many cases, it turned out there was more to the story, as you’ll see below.

Prior to starting the study or learning EFT, each person completed a Questionnaire to establish a baseline to measure against at the end of the one-month study period.  Here is a summary of the questions they answered:

1. What is your specific complaint about your libido?

2. Rate your libido over last 3 months (excellent, good, average, poor, or none).

3. Rate your ability to have an orgasm (always, almost always, seldom, never).

4. Average frequency of sex over last 3 months.

5. Your level of “turn on” when you have sex.

6. Medications you take that affect libido.

7. Are you taking hormones?  (Don’t stop or start them during study)

8. Can you imagine a reason that you would NOT want a strong libido?

My intention was to have each participant fill out a very similar questionnaire at the end of the month.  However, based on the actual issues they had, that turned out to not be feasible (you’ll understand why if you read on).  Instead I asked each participant this multiple choice question at the end of the month:

Evaluating your specific complaint when you started this month, how has it changed?

• I noticed no change at all in the specific issue I was working on (0% change)

• I think there is a little improvement in my specific issue (25% change)

• I’m happy to report moderate improvement in my situation (50% change)

• I’m delighted to say I note marked improvement in my situation (75% change)

• I feel I attained excellent improvement in my situation and I’m ecstatic! (greater than 75%)

• I stopped doing EFT and dropped out of the study for the following reason:

Results:

• No Change …………………….1
• Little Improvement ……………1
• Moderate Improvement …….. 4
• Marked Improvement ………..1
• Excellent Improvement ………3
• Dropped Out ………………… 0
• Total …………………………10

As you can see, 80% of those participating reported a 50% or greater improvement in their issue.  No one dropped out of the study.  Participants reported tapping between 1 to 3 times per day and 5 to 7 days per week.  (They were asked to tap 3 times a day, 7 days a week if possible.)

STUDY FORMAT:

Each person filled out their questionnaire and set up an initial appointment.  All participants were new to EFT.  The initial appointment was about one hour where we discussed their particular issue, looked for underlying causes (for example, anger at spouse) or hidden benefits (for example, having more time available to do other things). Each person was taught how to do the shortened version of EFT tapping (no nine gamut or finger tapping).  Then we would work together to establish phrases very specific to this individual’s problem, desired change, and outcome.

Each person left their appointment with instructions on how to tap, a tapping chart, and their personal tapping phrases covering their particular “problem” (i.e., cannot talk easily about sex with my partner so can’t ask for anything), the new “choice” about how they WANT to feel (i.e., I choose to feel comfortable saying what feels good during sex), and a final statement asking their body for something specific (i.e., I ask my body to create more sexual energy).

These statements were very different for each person.  I would offer suggestions to get started and then we would incorporate their own language.  After all, we all use different words inside our head than we do when we speak to others, especially about sex.  I call this our internal language and find it’s critical when doing EFT to use our own words, no matter how coarse.  Each participant was encouraged to call me if they had any questions or felt their EFT phrases were no longer applicable.  Only half contacted me for further help.

Details of each participant’s issue and their individual results follow:

Participant A:  Stated Issue:  “Pain and lack of intensity in cumming” since prostate cancer/biopsies.  Outcome:  Fear of painful ejaculation dropped away.  Pleasure and intensity during sex and ejaculation went from a 2 on a scale of 0 to 10 to a 10+.  Participant rated results achieved as “greater than 75% improvement”.

Participant B:  Stated Issue:  “No libido” due to taking several strong pain medications.  Outcome:  “The EFT program helped me get some of my libido back.  I now wake up with a very hard erection most mornings.”  Participant rated results achieved as “50% improvement”.

Participant C: Stated Issue:   “Great difficulty knowing what I want (sexually) and, even if I know, greater difficulty asking my partner for what I want.”  NOTE:  This participant could not say sexual words, such as penis, comfortably.  Outcome:  “Progress on my ability to openly say sexually related words will reap long-term benefits.”  Participant rated results achieved as “greater than 75% improvement”.

Participant D:  Stated Issue:  “Before post-menopause I had a very healthy appetite for sex.  My libido has disappeared with menopause.”  Outcome:  “I realized I don’t WANT my libido to be high and have it run my life the way it did when my hormones were raging.  I am at choice now.  It takes more energy to get things rolling, but I get really turned on and still love sex.”  Participant rated results achieved as “50% improvement”.

Participant E: Stated Issue:  “I feel turned on, I go ahead and have intercourse but I don’t feel it’s worth the time or effort to have an orgasm.”  NOTE:  This participant said she was desensitized by more than 20 years of physical and emotional abuse.  More EFT on this issue would be appropriate.  Outcome:  “I no longer take for granted that I am desensitized.  I let in pleasurable sensations that before I did not even expect it was possible to feel.”  Participant rated results achieved as “50% improvement”.

Participant F:  Stated Issue:  I don’t feel that longing or lust towards my partner or for sex in general like I did before menopause.”   Outcome: Participant still rates libido as “Poor”; reports having sex 2-3 times/week during study month.  NOTE:  Participant expressed fear that increased lust or longing might result in her cheating on her partner; EFT on this issue would be appropriate next step.  Participant was unavailable to work on this issue.  Participant rated results achieved as “I noticed changes at first, and then none at all in the specific issue I was working on.”  Listed as “No Change”

Participant G:  Stated Issue: “I used to have orgasms; now I don’t anymore (since menopause).”  Outcome:  “Through EFT sessions I realized I’ve been afraid of trying to have an orgasm because of 12 years of disappointment during my first marriage.  Not being driven by hormones requires a little more intention to get things going, but I’m having orgasms again!”  Participant rated results achieved as “greater than 75% improvement”.

Participant H:  Stated Issue:  “Clit not sensitive enough, not feeling horny or turned on.” Outcome:  “EFT helped me to focus on my sexuality and libido and to create more of a relationship with my clit.  I’ve found myself thinking about sex more.”  NOTE:  Participant reports having sex “twice a week” during the study month.  Participant rated results achieved as “50% improvement”.

Participant I:  Stated Issue:  “No interest in sex.”  Outcome:  “I think my lack of interest in sex was more about other issues than sex itself.  Since, when I do have sex it’s always been good, sometimes great, but I wasn’t getting other needs met and I had a change after our session.”  Participant rated results achieved as “25% improvement”.

Participant J:  Stated Issue:  Wants to become comfortable “initiating sex” and to overcome “shyness and shame”.  Outcome:  “I started getting results within days.  I have had an increased interest in sex, masturbation and have been more willing to actually do something about the desire.”  Participant rated results achieved as “75% improvement”

As you can see, in one short month EFT can definitely make positive changes in our sexual lives.  Often, there are underlying issues, for example, physical or emotional abuse or years of unfullfilling sexual experiences, that need to be addressed.  This study did not attempt to clear up all the underlying issues but more to use mechanical EFT and the Choices Method to improve each participant’s situation.

Hugs to you, Nancy Morris, EFT-ADV

http://www.emofree.com/Research/Research-other/libido-study-improvement.htm

By Rebecca Marina

Hello Gary,

Here is an unusual case dealing with male sexuality -premature ejaculation. This article is a bit long but you just can’t cure a 71 year problem of this nature in three minutes.

I have worked with many women’s sexual problems however, I was not really eager to work with male sexual problems. However, when Don contacted me, he was so sincere and gentlemanly, I agreed to work with him. Don had heard of the work I had done in women’s sexuality and wondered if EFT might work for his problem. The thing that really sparked my interest in helping Don, was his age.

At 71, he had met a beautiful, kind lady on the Internet and had been speaking with her and developed a relationship by telephone. Don, understandably did not want the premature ejaculation problem to ruin the relationship before it got off the ground. Well, Gary, my hat was off to this gentleman for caring enough and wanting to solve this problem and be a good lover to his lady-love. I agreed to work with Don and asked if he would let me use his story if we were successful. I did warn Don that his problem likely had many aspects and would probably not be a “one shot wonder” He agreed to stick with the treatment until the problem was solved. Here are the high points of how the session went and below is Don’s exhilarating testimony.

I asked Don to tune in to how he felt about having intimate relations with his new love. He said he felt “pressure to perform” and a sense of “she will be disappointed in me.” He was was about an 8 in intensity on both feelings.

We tapped using the set up phrase, “Even though I feel such pressure to perform and worry she will be disappointed in me, I deeply and completely accept myself” After, a couple of rounds, Don was down to about a 4 and I asked if he felt ready to put in a positive “Choice” (using Dr. Carrington’s choices method). I asked Don what a positive choice for him might be. He had just a little trouble thinking of a realistic positive choice because he had experienced the problem for so long. I helped him out a little by asking, “Don would you feel comfortable in ‘tapping’ in the choice of, Even though I have felt pressure to perform and fear of disappointment a very long time, I choose to allow myself to take baby steps toward releasing this problem?”

He agreed that those words felt comfortable and we tapped like this, “Even though I have felt pressure to perform and have some fear of disappointing my lady, I choose to allow myself to take baby steps towards solving this problem”

Now, Don was down to a 1 on the fear scale. I felt it was time to move onto the ‘root cause’ that may have set up an “expected performance energy pattern”. I guided Don in a relaxed meditation (EFT works beautifully with hypnosis and mediation) to allow his consciousness to drift back to the root cause.

He saw himself at 16 year of age, passionately kissing a girl goodnight- he became so excited he ejaculated into his trousers. Worse, the girl laughed at him! He felt shame and embarrassment still after all these years at an intensity level of 9. We tapped for, “Even though I feel such shame I could just die of embarrassment, I deeply and completely accept myself.” The intensity came down to about a 6 and now I asked Don. “What other thoughts and feeling were coming up for you as we tapped”?” Well,” Don replied, “I felt some anger at the girl and anger at myself.” We then tapped for, “Even though I feel angry at the girl and at myself for losing control, I deeply and completely accept myself.“

I felt we had really taken the edge off and it was time to bring in a positive choice of forgiveness and acceptance that this is a natural occurrence at 16 years old.

“Even though I shamed myself at 16, I forgive myself completely for that, I had raging hormones and it was a natural thing to happen, I forgive myself for getting stuck in this pattern, I forgive anyone else I may have blamed for this pattern and I am ready to let it go.”

At this point, Don’s energy really felt a lot lighter and we moved into treating the more present circumstance and the more pressing problem of “What’s going to happen when I want to be intimate with my lady-love.”

Once again, I used the power of meditation to move us along.

I asked Don to imagine that he was having dinner with his Lady in a hotel restaurant and that he had reserved a room upstairs for a romantic interlude. I asked him to report any anxiety he was feeling just in his imagination. Don said he felt anxiety at about a six, so we stopped and tapped until it was down to a zero.

Now, I guided Don in a further scenario where they had finished dinner and were opening the door to the hotel room and he held her in his arms. He reported no anxiety at all, he just felt very loving and that everything would be OK.

I gave Don some homework to do to increase his awareness of his body. Part of the problem was that Don was disconnected from the feelings that preceded ejaculation. Once he became aware of the sensations that were a natural part of sexual function his control became much easier. I expected Don to call and say he needed another appointment but I did not hear from him for awhile. When I did hear from him, it was the following letter.

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Rebecca,

I didn’t contact you recently because of family commitments, it has not been easy to find the time and space I need for myself.

All I can tell you is that the work we did together made my first face to face visit with my partner-to-be a fantastic success. Our meeting was wonderful and sex was just marvelous….even at my age. The problems we dealt with turned out not to be a problem at all.

There was the occasional slip-up, but it was very occasional compared with the number of times we made love. I felt relaxed and completely comfortable….THANKS.

Of course you can use our work together, in any way you want to. I love what you do and the humor and fun you bring to it. Even the most delicate and private things are easy to deal with.

Take care and God bless,

Don

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Rebecca Marina

http://www.emofree.com/articles/premature-ejaculation.htm

By Eric Robins, MD

Hi Gary,

I have two case reports for you.

The first case involves a 35 year old male patient who was sent to me as a second opinion for premature ejaculation.  He had previously seen one of my colleagues and was given some topical anesthetic cream (EMLA) to apply to the glans penis 45 minutes before intercourse to numb and “desensitize” the area.  Unfortunately this didn’t work.

As I got a brief history, the patient shared with me that prior to getting married, he had been with many other women sexually and premature ejaculation was not a problem for him.  He and his wife decided to forgo intercourse until their honeymoon night.  When the honeymoon arrived and it was time to consummate the marriage, he ejaculated after about 2 strokes, and was highly embarrassed and ashamed by this (you could say his honeymoon literally came and went).

Since that time he’d had 5 years of persistent premature ejaculation.  I asked him if there was a specific memory he could think of related to this problem, and he remembered the honeymoon night.  The intensity level of the emotions was very high (11 on a 10 scale, in his words).  I did the tapping, and in less than 5 minutes, all the emotional intensity was gone.  I did a quick choices round, focusing on being able to accept himself, relax, and have better ejaculatory control during sex.

He called me a week later and said he felt great, and was having satisfactory intercourse with his wife with no premature ejaculation.  All this in the midst of a busy medical clinic…

The second case involved a 10 year old boy who was having moderate, intermittent right testicular pain, which was worsened after doing heavy lifting.  His physical exam was completely normal.  No infection, torsion, or hernia was noted.  My diagnosis was a groin strain with pain radiating down into the testicle area.  I told him that a short course of anti-inflammatory medications (like motrin or advil) would help the problem, to which he replied, “There is no way I can swallow any medicines; they make me sick.”

His father was in the room, shaking his head and concurring that the child had never in his life been able to take any medications – he’d either spit them up or vomit them up.  I asked the child to think about taking medication and he replied, “I can’t, because it tastes nasty, and then I get a nauseous feeling (pointing to his upper chest and throat area)”.  The set up phrase was, Even though I can’t take any medication because it tastes nasty and gives me a nauseous feeling in my throat, I’m still a great kid. About 2 or 3 rounds of tapping took care of this medication issue. He could then easily imagine taking the medication with no problem.  God, I love this work.

Best regards,

Eric

http://www.emofree.com/Articles2/premature-ejaculation.htm

By Nancy A. Morris, EFT-ADV

Due to the nature of this case, there is very specific and intimate information.  I sincerely thank Dan (not his real name) for his permission to print this.

Dan contacted me through my web site looking for help with a long-standing problem of premature ejaculation (PE) and the effect it was having on his current sex life.  Dan wrote:  “I’ve tried tapping to cure the PE but must not be on the correct issue.”

During our phone consultation Dan said that when “PE hits” he feels disappointment and frustration which results in lack of self esteem, then reluctance to be sexual, which creates tension between he and his wife, Angie. Dan admitted that he withholds love when things don’t go his way.

When I asked if he was able to satisfy his wife in other ways he was clear that Angie is very sexual (usually orgasms 2-3 times before intercourse) and Dan says that she does not “make a big deal of it when PE hits”.  Dan said her orgasms turn him on so much that “the head of his penis gets so sensitive he can ejaculate with a single touch”.  He also confided that at the beginning of their relationship there was great romance and intensity with sex up to 4 or 5 times per day and PE was not a problem.  Now he feels a lack of interest and some boredom due to the frustration of PE.

I assured Dan that my experience has shown that PE is the easiest of sexual issues to resolve.  We would sleuth our way through this together to get at the root cause.  I also checked with him at this time what words he was most comfortable using to describe orgasm and penis to assure that we were on the mark with his own inner dialogue.

In our first appointment (telephone) Dan again brought up the word “boredom” which showed up for him after several months (when the initial lust subsided).  I asked if he stayed focused on Angie when they made love and he assured me that yes, he felt very connected to her and enjoyed her.  I was puzzled by his repeated use of the word “boredom” to describe how he felt.  More on that later.

I asked Dan when he first experienced PE.  He was 14 years old, very excited by his first girlfriend, Maureen, but he “came too quickly” in his words. I assured Dan that every young man experiences this when their hormones are raging and they are inexperienced and it is a common response (normalizing the experience). Since he was very matter of fact about the incident I asked him to describe in detail the scene and exactly what happened to bring up as much intensity as possible.

Dan said he and Maureen were by the front fence at her house, behind the hedge, standing up, and the whole thing lasted 30 seconds.  His current level of intensity on this past event was a 4 or 5 on a scale of 0 to 10.  As we tapped, Dan said he’d felt “not manly enough”.  We added this to the tapping phrases and got his level of intensity down to a 2 to 3 and then to 0.  An important note here is that Dan and Maureen did get married later and were together for 15 years and they did not have a satisfactory sex life.  This had a long-term influence on him.  We tapped on the overall feelings of frustration and “not being man enough” during his marriage to Maureen.

I asked Dan if he masturbated and he said yes. I asked him how he approached this, i.e., does he try to extend the pleasure of the experience or does he try to orgasm quickly?  He replied that he orgasms “as soon as possible”.  This is important information; many of us have learned to masturbate this way; as children and adolescents we were afraid of being caught in the act.

Generally, there is still some guilt associated with masturbation even if we can talk about it and admit to it, and as adults we often “use” masturbation as a relief valve simply getting to climax ASAP.  I explained to Dan that it is easy to develop a “habit” of getting to orgasm as quickly as possible.  The idea of having this unwanted “habit” takes a lot of charge off it (reframe) and makes it seem manageable.  Even if it’s been going on for 20, 40, or 60 years!  PE is not just a young man’s problem.  Dan is in his 60’s.

Moving on, I asked Dan if there were any other incidents that are memorable from his early years.  Yes, there was an older woman, Mary, who he’d been with for nine months before they finally had intercourse.  When I asked Dan for his level of intensity on this he said he’d already done a lot of tapping on this yet it was still a 5 or 6 out of 10.  Dan was 18 years old and Mary was 28.  He ejaculated very quickly the first time they finally had intercourse. He felt so embarrassed that he never saw Mary after that incident. We did a setup:

Even though when Mary and I finally had sex, I came too quickly…

Even though when we finally had sex after nine months, I ejaculated right away, I love and forgive myself.

Even though I ejaculated right away and I was so embarrassed I never saw her again, I love and forgive myself, I did the best I could.

We began tapping around using the standard EFT points plus the top of the head point:

We’d been together for 9 months … She was 10 years older than I was … I was only 18 … I was so turned on … When we finally had intercourse … I ejaculated immediately … I was so embarrassed … I felt so ashamed … I didn’t feel like a man … I felt like a failure … I withdrew … I was so embarrassed that I never saw her again … I abandoned her …  was so self-conscious I abandoned her after 9 months of being together … I just never saw her after that … I felt so ashamed … I’m so sorry I had to do that, I love and forgive myself … It was the best I could do as a young man … I’m so sorry I had to do that … I love and forgive myself.

As a test of how well this tapping went, I asked Dan to retell this incident and his intensity level was down to 0.  With the intention of establishing tapping homework for Dan, we then focused on the physical aspects of what goes on for him when “PE hits”.  Dan said the head of his penis gets very sensitive.  His whole body becomes energized.  He can sense the buildup of orgasm in his partner and it puts him over the edge.

We established EFT homework for Dan together using phrases that felt right for him and his situation:

The issue:  Even though I orgasm too quickly… Then a choice statement:  Even though I have this habit of ejaculating too quickly, I choose to release this pattern from my mind. Then a request of his body (asking for help and using past tense on the problem):

Even though I’ve HAD this PE problem, I ask my body to spread my sexual energy evenly throughout my body. NOTE:  We had discussed this ahead of time:  Dan was to imagine taking all the sensation and energy that he feels in the head of his penis and moving it down the shaft, into his groin, spreading it down his legs, into the earth, up his belly and chest, into his heart, feeling love for Angie, down his arms, and into his hands so that he could move his sexual energy into Angie.

We ended our first session with Dan feeling hopeful and set another appointment for just a few days later since his wife was currently out of town and he wanted to get as much done as possible before her return to surprise her.

As our second phone appointment began, we moved on to discussion about Angie and his feelings toward her (because he’d mentioned “boredom” several times).  They’d been together about 3 years; I asked if he felt any resentments toward her.  Dan replied that he did not and that Angie tells him there is “no problem” but he “still doubts the accuracy of her reporting”.  He said it’s just the “same old / same old” making love now.  Used to be intense, erotic and exciting.  He again admitted that when things don’t go his way, he holds back love, which results in tension.  These are almost the exact words he used during our initial phone consultation and though he said he felt no resentments, I felt something.

So I asked:  “IF you felt any little resentments at all toward Angie, no matter how small, what might they be?”

GC COMMENT: Excellent question! This can open previously closed doors.

Dan reported that she was very strong-willed and strong-minded and he can’t tell her anything.  This had an intensity of 8 out of 10. Anything else?  Yes, Angie has a heart problem and yet she still eats many things Dan knows she shouldn’t and when he tells her she should change her diet she gets upset and says Dan “is not my mother”.  This was a 10+.

More?  Yes, Dan does most of the driving and when they’re in the car Angie gets uptight about his driving and comments on it.  This was a 10+ at the moment when it happened though he said he usually is able to shrug it off. More?  Yes, Angie is very straightforward and sometimes criticizes Dan and Dan doesn’t handle criticisms well.

We tapped on all of these resentments as a group just to get the edge off.  Then I asked Dan what qualities he liked about Angie and he was very clear: he liked that she has a strength to her, she’s honest and straight forward, down to earth, has a great body, a wonderful mind, and she’s a fiery redhead.

Now we were able to balance Dan’s resentments with the fact that he loves and appreciates the exact things about Angie that often times cause these irritations in him.  This was an “aha” moment and on the next round of tapping we went back and forth between the resentments and Angie’s qualities.  Dan’s level of intensity went down to 0 on all of them.

Since Angie was not home and we wanted to test the effectiveness of our work so far, I asked Dan to say:  “I’m worried that I’ll orgasm too soon” and to tell me how true it felt to him.  He said it did not feel true anymore.

PE is often described as feeling “too turned on” or “too excited” but generally the underlying causes and the anxiety about “coming too soon” must be addressed for control of orgasm to be possible.

Dan and I reestablished EFT tapping homework phrases and I instructed him in some non-EFT exercises he could do to build his ejaculatory confidence.

Angie was returning home in 2 days and we would see if progress had been made.  NOTE:  It would have been helpful to have had time to do one more EFT session imagining their future lovemaking session and any doubts, fears, or worries that might arise and tap them down, in the context of that future setting, before they happen.  This has been very effective with other clients.  But, Dan felt confident and eager for Angie’s return.

After about a week, I emailed Dan to see how he was doing.  This is his progress report:

Hi Nancy, thank you for inquiring – We made love this morning and I did not orgasm for what seemed an eternity to me, but was in fact about 45 seconds.  Angie had orgasmed twice prior to intercourse but I did not become highly aroused as I normally did before, so I’m claiming some success in both areas. It is a great improvement.  Thank you.

Could he please comment on how he felt about the relationship.  Here’s Dan’s reply:

Hi Nancy, there has definitely been a shift for the better in my attitude to sex and my relationship with Angie. I now approach sex with much less trepidation, much freer.  (I didn’t realize there was a hang-up in this area previously).  That of course transfers to our relationship in general.

Thank you again for your interest and wise advice.  Will stay in touch to give you progress reports. And yes, I’m still tapping.

Gary, It is so satisfying (pun intended) to be able to help people enjoy better sex and better relationships.  Thank you for the gift of EFT.  Big hugs.

Nancy Morris, EFT-ADV

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